Dear God,
I just woke up.
So far I have not done anything today.
But soon, I will brush my hair and teeth.
I will show off my best face
and my best work,
desperately trying to prove myself to a world
whose systems
will eventually forget and replace me.
From dust I have come, and to dust I will return.
And that would be the end of my story,
were it not for Your baffling love
for my particular self,
for my Beth-ness.
When I die and decompose,
you will hold my memory
and breathe your Spirit into this dust again.
Your love for me -
the only source of my true worth -
is also the only thing I cannot earn.
Yet I am hardwired for earning,
for proving,
for being needed,
admired.
So, in this season,
on this day…
Strip away every distraction I use
to numb myself from the failure
of my every attempt to earn
what is already freely mine.
Keep me quiet and listening;
adjust my rhythm to yours;
work your patience in me.
Show me the cross I must pick up to follow you;
show me how it is different from
the burdens you wish to lift from me.
Teach me submission to the life-demands of love,
teach me how you loved and forgave
even when you were crushed and betrayed.
I want to learn to love
even when it looks like losing,
even when it feels like dying.
I know I am powerless
to overhaul all the sin-systems of this world.
Heck, I cannot even prevent
the expansion of my own ego
as I pray this prayer.
Forgive me.
Help me.
Free me from myself.
Empty me
so there is room
for you to fill me.