A quote from Jean Vanier that describes where I'm at right now:

"There is a freedom that I sense exists but that I do not have.

I cannot always describe it but I do want it.

I sense I still have a long road to walk in order to reach this freedom.

I see the goal but I am not yet there.

I love and want it but sometimes I am frightened of the road I must take.

I am frightened of the disappearance of my walls of defense,

sensing that behind them there is an anguish and a vulnerability that will rise up.

I see that I still cling to what people think of me

and am fed by the way people love, want, and admire me.

If all that fell away, who would I be?

But that is where freedom lies, the freedom to be rejected,

if that is the path I am to take in order to live more fully.

Is that not the freedom that Jesus announces in his charter of the Beatitudes,

when he talks of the blessedness of those who are persecuted,

or when he says, "Woe to you when people speak well of you"?

(Becoming Human)